Jewishly Conscious Wedding -- Resources

As you may have guessed, not only have I thought long and hard about various social, political, and environmental concerns about the wedding (see previous post), I have also put a great deal of thought into the Jewish aspects of the wedding.

Specifically, here are some resources I found useful in trying to plan a wedding that is both halachic and meaningfully inclusive of women:

• Most important are the following JOFA Journal issues:

i) On making halahcic weddings more egalitarian: Summer 2003 JOFA Journal's special wedding edition.

ii) On the issue of halachic pre-nuptial agreements, and other means to avoid agunah issues, see the Summer 2005 JOFA Journal on the subject.

• Relatedly, here is the RCA (Orthodox) halachic pre-nuptuial agreement.


• Additionally, I would point out that there are many other relevant resources available on the JOFA website about Jewish marriage from an Orthodox, Feminist perspective.


• We also found this article, "What's the Truth about...a Chatan and Kallah Not Seeing Each Other before the Wedding?" quite illuminating. Turns out this is not an ancient, time-honored Jewish custom, but rather a relatively recent innovation.

Also worth knowing about is JUFJ's Green and Just Celebrations Guide, which provides a lot of ideas about making simchas more environmentally and socially conscious. This of course relates to the subject of the previous post, but with a particularly Jewish bent, so I'm including it here.

Socially conscious wedding

I tend to think of my self as a socially-conscious person, but we (fiancé and I) are not the activisty types (though I am much more so than he is). I buy environmentally friendly cleaning products, but I don’t preach about it, and I don’t object to resorting to paper plates when doing dishes feels like too much of a chore. I think about my choices, and attempt to prevent injustices in the world where possible, but I don’t go out and protest very often. My entire choice of vocation is premised on making the world a better place, but my chosen route is research rather than advocacy, outreach or fieldwork.

Similarly, our wedding will not be the most environmentally friendly possible -- it will not involve local food, and will likely generate plenty of waste. It will, in most respects, be a typical wedding. At the same time, however, I feel that (a) when planning an event I know will be wasteful, I should attempt to curtail that waste in at least some areas, and (b) that if we are spending so much money on one event, it should be an opportunity to do so in a way that reflects our values. So, here are some of the small ways were are doing this:

• You already know that my engagement ring is made from a conflict-free diamond, set in recycled-gold, and sold by a socially-conscious jeweler. Both of our wedding bands are also made of recycled gold and come from the same seller. We will make sure our guests know about this.

• We bought (with money from my bubby –her wedding gift to us) fair trade kippot from MayaWorks for our guests. (Toyb’s sister is making kippot for the men in our immediate families). Again, our guests will be told about this choice.

Aside: The MayaWorks kippot are amazing – absolutely beautiful hand knit kippot in an array of colors (so everyone will have kippot of a similar style but different colors) – they will be memorable, and many people will actually use them afterwards!

• We asked guests not to have registry items gift wrapped when ordering them to be mailed. The packing material generates enough waste.

• We also asked guests to consider offsetting the carbon-impact of their travel to the wedding as part of our gift (particularly relevant given the long-distance travel inherently involved when you live 3,000 miles from your family of origin).

Made with love, not angst

I have previously written at length about the subject of conflict diamonds and (consumer-based) measures to alleviate the problem. However, this question had renewed potency when I recently became engaged. You may wonder, what did Sunkist Miss decide to do about an engagement ring? Well, I’m here to share that information with you.

Initially when we went shopping (browsing), I really couldn’t find anything I was happy with. And the more I thought about it, the more I recognized that I was not going to be happy with a standard Kimberly Process certificate of origin. Don’t get me wrong, the Kimberly Process represents a very important improvement in how diamond retailers do business. However, it wasn’t enough. It is well known that, as I described previously, “it’s difficult to actually verify where diamonds come from and the major buyers (companies) may mix them together.”

Enter Brilliant Earth -- a San Francisco-based company committed to making socially conscious jewelry. Their diamonds come from Canada (from Canadian mines, not through Canada). They use recycled metal (mine is white gold) for making the settings and bands. The materials they send/pack in are all made from recycled paper and the jewelry boxes are from wood from a sustainable forest. Finally, they recognize that all of these things are not enough because, as I wrote about in my previous blog post on the subject, the problem with effectively boycotting African diamonds is that while verification is extraordinarily difficult, not all African diamonds are conflict diamonds, and poor communities are reliant on their export. Their solution? As their website explains, “Brilliant Earth also dedicates 5% of its profits to directly benefit local African communities harmed by the diamond industry.” Moreover, they are also beginning to offer certified Namibian diamonds which are conflict-free, and mined with fair labor and environmentally monitored mining practices. In other words, they are really making an effort to get to the source of a variety of social problems in the jewelry and diamond business one ring at a time. Also, the people there were very helpful and informative and we got a hand-written note with the rings! (We got wedding bands there as well so they would be made from recycled metals and would match).

Yes, I know I sound like a commercial for this company, but really, I want people to know that this option is out there. Finally, when I found them, I actually felt good about the ring. Because it’s not just me getting something I don’t have to feel guilty about, but something I can feel confident is making a market-based statement about what is important and helping to support a company that does good work in this area.

I will add one last thought. In my prior post on this subject I brought up the question of whether wearing a diamond ring in some sense constitutes marat ayin. Marat Ayin is the Jewish concept which proscribes an action that while technically permissible looks like something that is not, and which therefore makes others think that the impermissible is permissible. So, is wearing an extremely socially conscious ring marat ayin because other people might think that any old diamond ring was acceptable? This was really my last hold-up. What I concluded is that (a) as mentioned above, it is important to support this company, and (b) it is in a certain sense an educational opportunity for me. No, not everyone I encounter will know the story of my ring. But my friends and family will, anyone who reads this blog will, anyone who attends our wedding will. And in that way we will teach people that there are more possibilities out there. It’s not only about Brilliant Earth, but more broadly about the fact that it is possible to make socially and politically responsible choices.

Productive Procrastination

In honor of Spring Break (which is really a misnomer because it is NOT spring in New England, no matter what the calendar says!) and Purim, Sunkist Miss presents some fun and productive ways to procrastinate (at least if you share some of my interests). These are a few of my favorite things:

1. Geography as procrastination. It’s a map game! Addictive and educational. Perfect for your local internationalist, and anyone else who likes to know where other countries are. (Hint: it helps if you turn the sound on. I know the noise is annoying, but it is useful for knowing when you are getting things right or wrong).

2. Free Rice. Seriously, this is a great procrastination tool for those who are verbally inclined (not that we know anyone like that!). And it’s a feel good game, because as you play, you donate rice to the World Food Program (paid for by ads, of course).

3. Beverly Hills Chabad. Say what?! Yes, really. So, maybe normal people don’t sit around learning leyning when they’re procrastinating, but who ever said I was normal? Anyhow, this is an awesome resources – I kid you not, it’s an online tikkun! How cool is that?! (Yes, you can also check out Bible ORT, for a verse-by-verse dissection, but for basic tikkun functionality BH Chabad is totally the way to go!).

Happy Purim!

Diamonds are for Fighting?

The other day my roommates and I watched Blood Diamond. It’s a fictional account of the conflict diamond trade in Africa, and specifically in Sierra Leone during the 1990s. The movie later prompted a conversation about diamonds and politically/socially conscious decision-making in buying jewelry. I should note that nothing in the movie was news to me, and that I had actually thought about this subject a lot already.

So, if you want to be socially responsible, what are the options?

(1) Do nothing. The Kimberly Process, which entered into force in 2003, is a voluntary process that is supposed to ensure that conflict diamonds are not traded in participating countries (including the US).
(2) Ask for documentation of the seller’s policy on conflict diamonds, and find out how they verify their suppliers.
(3) Get a certified conflict-free diamond (probably a diamond from Canada – yes, they have diamond mines there, they are really from Canada not just via Canada).
(4) Re-use an old diamond.
(5) Since it’s difficult to actually verify where diamonds come from and the major buyers (companies) may mix them together, offset part of the cost by donating to some NGO working to combat the trade in conflict diamonds.
(6) Get something else.

The last option merits further exploration. First of all, if you are going that route – do some research on whatever it is you are planning to buy. That said, it occurs to me that perhaps, for those who are concerned about this issue, buying a diamond, even one that is conflict-neutral or conflict-free, might present a situation of marat ayin. In other words, do I want to give other people the impression that I, a politically aware, socially conscious consumer am okay with buying a diamond that might not be clean? If not, the safest answer is not to have one. I actually overheard some girls at school discussing this idea (albeit with different vocabulary!) last year when one of them was explaining why she didn’t have a diamond engagement right because while she would’ve gotten a certified one, she didn’t want others to think it was simply acceptable as-is.

However, there is not a simple right-and-wrong sort of answer. Yes, the diamond trade tends to be exploitative of poor and conflict-prone countries. However, many developing countries also rely on those exports, and boycotting diamonds could be seen as unfairly damaging their economic prospects even when the particular country of origin is not the source of the problem. As with all my favorite topics, this one defies easy answers.

I am not intending to judge people’s decisions by posting this. Rather, if I have made you think and fomented discussion, I have succeeded. I know good people who have chosen each of the above routes (or a combination thereof). The secondary motive is that people have actually asked me for advice on this subject before, as their resident international relations expert. So having it thought-through and written down is a useful exercise. Along the way, I've included a lot of links with helpful information.

Meet Brijit

I want to introduce you to a friend. Brijit is a new web-based resource, created by a friend of mine in DC.

Basically, the idea is this: we're smart educated people who like to know and read about what’s interesting in the world, but we don’t have time to actually read all those sources that we’d like to. What we need is someone to tell us which stories are most worth reading. Brijit aims to fill this role. This is more than an RSS feed. While it is fully rooted in the age of online media, it is equally based on human input. Real people read a myriad of articles and write qualitative summaries along with rankings to help you choose those articles of most interest. It’s a pretty awesome concept. So, check it out. And tell your friends!

PS. Brijit is still a work in progress; if you have constructive feedback they would very much like to hear from you.

Poppies, my pretty

Not only did I want to share this lovely picture of California golden poppies in its own right, but also it provides my userpic. The photo comes courtesy of the USDA Natural Resources Conservation Service, which offers an online Photo Gallery providing copyright-free nature photos from all over the country. How cool is that?! :)