So, what does an egalitarian girl do when she’s engaged (much less married) to an orthodox boy? This is a question I expect I’ll be answering over and over again in different ways for the rest of my life. And, as usual, there isn’t an easy answer other than to approach each issue as it comes up.
At the moment the interesting thing is that figuring out how to strike the right balance in our wedding is much more difficult than figuring out how to live our lives together. That makes sense actually, because as it turns out our practice, apart from the egal davening, is not very different. So setting up a life together is relatively easy on that count. And we are happy to continue to daven in two minyanim. We are particularly lucky in our current locale in that we can do that all in one building, but even if that does not remain the case, we’ll be okay.
But planning a wedding? That’s a bit more complicated. Luckily we have great resource in Rabbi Linzer’s article for JOFA (circa 2003), which indicates a variety of ways to make Jewish weddings more egalitarian within the boundaries of halacha. Stay tuned to see just what our balance will be. It promises to be an interesting ride.